Life has been super busy for me lately. It has been filled with wonderful things and it has been filled with harsh things. I knew the only way I would be able to restart myself was to find the quiet. Sometimes, for me, finding the quiet place in life is like finding sexy flannel pajamas. I want it… so so badly… I just don’t think it is possible, so I don’t even try to look for it.
Some of us schedule quiet into our lives and hold these appointments as sacred. Others wait until their body stops them with exhaustion and sickness. Me? I go back and forth between these two extremes. One way my soul reminds me I need to have some stillness is that I no longer feel creative. I don’t want to shoot. I don’t want to turn film in. (In fact, I have three rolls sitting on my desk.) I don’t want to scan. (I have four other rolls to scan.) As the creativity leaves me, so does my joy. For me, being creative is a holy act that brings me joy. When my creative time is squeezed out by my busyness, I begin to feel down and unmotivated.
Knowing I needed some quiet, I scheduled some time to myself… and my camera. I put a morning on the calendar for me and Lucy to visit a local monastery. I am sure you can guess what happened next. Yep, my life got more busy and more full and I canceled the date with myself.
I crossed off lists.
I fulfilled commitments.
I took care of my family.
Did my joy come back? Of corse not. For me, being highly productive does not bring me joy. Getting it all done does not make me feel whole and complete.
I had to find time to be still. My joy depended on it. I started thinking on a small-scale. What if I just carved out five minutes here and there? What if I slowly found pieced of quiet? And I have.
Five minutes shooting a vine on the front porch.
Enjoying my coffee seven minutes longer… alone and doing absolutely nothing.
I have slowly found joy. And with the joy, I am slowly finding my creativity. I might even turn in my rolls today.
I need to start finding the quiet before my joy leaves me. While I know I need long stretches of quiet, I also need to find hints of peace daily. It must be something I don’t stop looking for…. like sexy flannel pajamas.
I am doing this blogroll with some wonderful women. Susan’s thoughts on being still are here, then follow the links to read more.