brave enough for the both of us

We had a family shoot this morning.  I love family shoots.  We have had a lot of holiday mini shoots lately.  I love them too… but they are not the same as the full family shoot.  I love spending an hour or more with a family. I love having time to get to know each child. I love seeing how the family loves each other.  All of that takes time.

But with that time, comes moments like these.  This adorable look is one his father can do.  They both can lift one eye brow just so.  He loves it and his father loves it.

When Andy and I decided to start a photography business this year, I never knew it was going to help me fall in love with people more.

I am grateful Andy was brave enough for both of us to say yes to this adventure. I am also thankful for Andy… but that is another day.

honestly me

I have been thinking, journaling, wondering, asking, and praying about what it means to be authentically myself.  I wonder if I will ever be brave enough to completely know and love myself wholly.  I know if I cannot be honest with myself about who I am and have grace for what I find, I will never be able to do the same for others.  

Here are some quotes I have been sparking my journaling lately.  

“Silent solitude makes true speech possible and personal. If I am not in touch with my own belovedness, then I cannot touch the sacredness of others. If I am estranged from myself, I am likewise a stranger to others.” 
                                  ~ Brennan Manning

“She was becoming herself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear before the world.” 
                                  ~Kate Chopin 


“First of all, although men have a common destiny, each individual also has to work out his own personal salvation for himself in fear and trembling. We can help one another to find the meaning of life no doubt. But in the last analysis, the individual person is responsible for living his own life and for “finding himself.” If he persists in shifting his responsibility to somebody else, he fails to find out the meaning of his own existence. You cannot tell me who I am and I cannot tell you who you are. If you do not know your own identity, who is going to identify you?” 
                                   ~Thomas Merton 



“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” 
                                         ~May Sarton

There must be more quotes or thoughts on this subject.  What are yours?  Do you feel like you are authentically yourself?  

year of fearless, 2012

For 2012, my word was fearless.  Fearlessness has brought so much into my life.  I started this blog, I started shooting film, I made big changes in my life and how I think and feel.  It feels good to look back at the year and it be filled with so much wonderfulness.  For the last several years, I have not been excited about the new year or my word.  Even last year, I had fear about the word fearless!  But this year, I am feeling something different.  I am feeling anticipation.  
To say goodbye to 2012, I found 12 of my favorite shots I took 2012.  Not surprisingly, ten are on film.  I must say, I am hooked.
My little guy, Ian.  Canon Rebel, 85 mm, Kodak 400 ISO


Minolta X700, 50 mm, Fuji Film 200 ISO

Canon 60D, 50mm


Mamiya 645, 80mm, Fuji Reala100 ISO

Mamiya 645, 55mm, Kodak Portra 160

Mamiya 645, bo mm, Fuji Reala 100 ISO

Mamiya 645, 80 mm, Kodak Portra 160

Polaroid Land Camera 420, Fuji 3500 Instant

Minolta X700,50 mm, lomo, lady grey 400 ISO

Minolta X700, 50 mm, Fuji 400 ISO

Canon 60D, 85 mm

Mamiya 645, 80mm, Kodak Portra 160

thankful for homeschooling

This month I am doing a thankful project.  When I began this project, I knew that one blessing that I  would have to list would be homeschooling.  As I was making my list of why I am so thankful for homeschooling, I started to realize that I am not only thankful for the experience of teaching my children at home.  I am also eternally grateful and indebted  for all that homeschooling has taught me.  When people talk about homeschooling, they often mention  the benefits for the children.  However, there is this small secret that doesn’t seem to get as much press as I think it deserves. Homeschooling changes the heart of the teacher.  So while I am so thankful for all the wonderful, and not so wonderful, moments that homeschooling has brought my family, I am also so thankful for how it has changed me.

I am thankful that when one of the girls was interested in a specific topic, we were able to stop and learn more about it.  It has helped me be excited about life- about things that I am excited about and what excites them. 



I am thankful that when my child had a hard time learning something, we were able to stop and take our time until they understood the concept.  It has made me an understanding person.

I am thankful for all the experiments and projects that have sat, grown and mutated on my kitchen counter.  It has made me a patient person.  


I am thankful that I have not only taught my children to read, but to have a love for the written word.  I love days that I look around my living room and each girl has her nose in  a book.  It has made me a more confident person.



I am thankful that I have so many moments of just being with my girls.  We have sat under trees and talked… and sometimes just napped.  It has made me person who can slow down and just be.


I am thankful for the days when we couldn’t put a book down, so I would read and read and read while my girls sat and listened.  It has made me a passionate person… who doesn’t stop until I am satisfied.


I am thankful for the days when everything has gone wrong; when I have lost my temper or the girls have fought.  It has taught me grace. 


I am thankful for all the time I have had with my girls.  I don’t feel like I missed a moment of their childhood. It has made me a joyful person.


I am thankful for the moments that I have had to let things go; let the dishes, the laundry and the cooking go. It has killed the perfectionist in me. 
I am thankful that I had to dig deep and believe that I could teach my girls.  It has taught me how to be brave.    


    I can’t imagine I am the only one that feels this way.  I am sure there are lists and lists of things we have learned from homeschooling.  And not only homeschooling, but parenthood in general.  I wonder, what is it that homeschooling or parenthood has taught you?  Did you realize that when you gave birth to one life that you would be so reborn yourself?  
    I know I didn’t.   But, oh how I am thankful for it.  


    searching for dragons

    looking in
    “Anyone can slay a dragon …but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That’s what takes a real hero.” ~Story People

    I found this quote this morning.  My heart was drawn to it because first, it has a dragon in it and my baby girl loves dragons.  Second, the truth it proclaims about love.  How brave a thing it is to love!
    So in a world that sometimes gives up on people quickly, I am choosing to slay the dragon.  I am choosing to love a husband that sometimes breaks my heart.  I am choosing to love my children who sometimes overlook the work I do for them.  I am choosing to love my friends that sometimes hurt me.  Not because I think I am wonderful and perfectly perfect in every way.  Quite the opposite.  I am choosing to brave because I hope they will be brave with me.  I am hoping that just as I will be a hero in their lives, they will be my heros as well and love me when I am ugly and difficult.  Because I can be one ugly dragon.  

    fearless

    jar of sand 

    Every year I ask the Lord what word I should hold onto through the year.  In years past these words have been things I have learned in a deep and real way.  The year he gave me joy, I almost lost my family.  The year he gave me faith, I had to restle with it until I could really call it mine.  This year He gave me the word fearless.  The irony here is that it made me a little fearful.  I know it is something I need to work on.  I need to fear less.  I need to fear less about what  people think of me.  I need to fear less that I am not good enough. I need to fear less about my tomorrows and enjoy my todays.

    I am so excited for a year of learning how to live in a fearless way.