Waiting is an interesting thing for me. When I am waiting for something good, I love the waiting. My husband planed a ten-day road trip for our twentieth anniversary that is coming up in two weeks. We have been waiting and waiting for the day of departure to get here. The waiting has been so much fun. We keep talking about our plans and dreaming of the hours alone. Expectant waiting gives me great joy and happiness. When I am waiting for something horrible, I do not enjoy the waiting, but at least I know what is coming. I remember when my Grandmother was dying in hospice. I knew that she was at the end of her life. I knew it was time to say good-bye. It was sad and hard, but I could hold that sadness gently.
However, when I am waiting for something and I do not know what is coming, I handle it like a cat handles a bath. I hate that type of waiting. A few years ago, Andy and I almost lost our house. He had some pay cuts at work and our mortgage became too much for us. We were so sad. We were going to sell the house, but our realtor suggested we try to keep it first. We hired a lawyer and hoped he could help us. It took ten months of working with the bank and waiting. We received notices on the front door that our house was going up for auction three times. Coming home to those large legal letters was terrifying, but not as terrifying as the waiting. I woke up each day not knowing if my home would be mine tomorrow. I remember one day cleaning my kitchen and admiring how lovely it was. Not perfect, but perfect for me. The Comforter gently spoke to me. He reminded me of all the good that happened in my kitchen. He reminded me of His faithfulness to always provide my family shelter. As I finished cleaning the house that day, I went around with a heart turned toward thankfulness. I gave my home a gratitude blessing and it gave me hope. The days were not easy, but they were filled with much less worry. I knew that what will be, will be. I knew that today I would be in my home and I was going to enjoy it as much as I could for that one day. What tomorrow would bring would be tomorrows problem, but not today’s.
After ten months of waiting, we found out that we were going to be able to keep the house. I can still remember the relief and joy we felt. I also remember my lesson in waiting.
I love the lyrics to Tom Petty’s The Waiting:
The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part
That is how it is. Each day we get one more yard, one more step we need to take. We can take it as it comes or we can worry ourself through the wait. Either way, we are going to get to the same place. The place we are meant to be in.
My hope is that I can start waiting for all of life the way I wait for a trip. It is ok to plan and imagine and dream, but I want to be expectant and assured that in the end, it will all be beautiful…. messy, hard, lesson filled, and sad….. but beautiful all the same.
There are some amazing women I get to do this blog roll with. Please visit Susan’s blog for her thoughts on waiting.